In a controversial audio taping of a conversation that never took place, the BCO has exclusive proof that the defense has had enough of Dean Windass and want him gone from the City front line.
It’s a shame I don’t have audio streaming on this blog, but as best as I can make out, here is the extract of the conversation.
“F*** that old tart he grabbed Finnigan by the balls when he knew I wanted to do that”.
“What should we do then?”
“Lets throw the game. He won’t score today so lets lose to a lower placed team and hopefully Wigan will make a bid for him again. We’ll set up a blind date between him and Jewell at Harry Ramsdens on Friday so they can talk it over”.
The rest is history. City’s Windass inspired two goal lead, in what was probably their best display this season, was wiped out in the space of 10 playing minutes. Doncaster had two more goals ruled for offside. In a face saving result for CT the 'September 26th plot' as it has not become known will be overlooked by the result and an exciting game.
Is this a split within the team that will rock the footballing world on the level that only Gazza or Juve presidents can do? Keep your browser pointed to the BCO for other made up crap that comes about when you realise the best your team will finish (in yet another mediocre division) is 7th.
Tuesday, September 26, 2006
Wednesday, September 20, 2006
Robson Leaves West Brom
So what?
The BCO is disappointed it has wasted web space on this crap manager (albeit better player) and hopes loyal BCO readers will forgive it for this posting this one time (and no doubt sometime in the future too).
Thanks.
Ps. Nicky Law.
The BCO is disappointed it has wasted web space on this crap manager (albeit better player) and hopes loyal BCO readers will forgive it for this posting this one time (and no doubt sometime in the future too).
Thanks.
Ps. Nicky Law.
Master Bates releases Black Well Tart
The first time the BCO dedicates an article to fellow West Yorkshire strugglers Halif… no … Hudders … no …. Bradford Park Avenue … come on, be sensible. Okay, Leeds DeBaters Society United have today released KB as manager and have not paid a bung to any body to take him off their hands. Although they did offer to (allegedly) pay someone to take KB off their hands this met with unfortunate consequences. The bag of cash was left in the Barnet dressing room and thus The DeBaters actually won a game.
Another scam had just come off the imaginary press and it was that KB has in fact been kidnapped by the ‘we want our electric fence back’ group of Chelsea fans. The fans are opposed to being boring and winning everything and want to go back to the good old days of being boring and losing everything.
KB has reportedly not said that he failed to meet the demands as he left the electric fence on a doorstep in Bethnal Green.
The BCO has learnt the electric fence is, in fact, sparking and well on the USA / Mexico border.
http://www.usatoday.com/news/washington/2005-11-17-border-fence_x.htm
Another scam had just come off the imaginary press and it was that KB has in fact been kidnapped by the ‘we want our electric fence back’ group of Chelsea fans. The fans are opposed to being boring and winning everything and want to go back to the good old days of being boring and losing everything.
KB has reportedly not said that he failed to meet the demands as he left the electric fence on a doorstep in Bethnal Green.
The BCO has learnt the electric fence is, in fact, sparking and well on the USA / Mexico border.
http://www.usatoday.com/news/washington/2005-11-17-border-fence_x.htm
Son of Todd
The Son of Todd, of Blackburn fame, has been the subject of being “tapped up” by 'arry 'Ednap during the BBC's Panorama program. While it is a delight to the BCO that the BBC have let Panaroma know that there is 'sport' out there it is sad that it is trying to do what the FA will clearly have in control by the year 2157. As for Son of Todd it comes in nicely that his form has dipped recently, has an autobiography coming out '57 other things to do in Blackburn when you stink' and a kids book 'Great merrygo rounds of Blackburn'. However, it probably does not help that AT (did not) write a quick entry on his blog which the BCO oddly found even though nobody else can…
“Each day after training I stand in the center circle with Robbie Savage and they cheer his name. Do they cheer me? No. They take him out for dinner and call him on the telephone. Do I get dinner? No. Do I get phone calls – well, yes, from agents trying to persuade me to go to another club. Apart from that Blackburn does nothing for me. They even left me out of the U19 squad that went to Dallas last April.
Comment on this article email tapmeup AT bigdoshforagents.com”
Son of Todd’s daddy had the foresight to release an article through the City website on Tuesday rubbishing TV claims that a "bung culture" still exists in football. The BCO understood that this was after a non-existent call from Grandson of Todd to Todd saying “Daddy said he didn’t get the money and we are not going to the seaside”.
"where's 'arry?" asked an unrelated person immitating Frank Bruno.
“Each day after training I stand in the center circle with Robbie Savage and they cheer his name. Do they cheer me? No. They take him out for dinner and call him on the telephone. Do I get dinner? No. Do I get phone calls – well, yes, from agents trying to persuade me to go to another club. Apart from that Blackburn does nothing for me. They even left me out of the U19 squad that went to Dallas last April.
Comment on this article email tapmeup AT bigdoshforagents.com”
Son of Todd’s daddy had the foresight to release an article through the City website on Tuesday rubbishing TV claims that a "bung culture" still exists in football. The BCO understood that this was after a non-existent call from Grandson of Todd to Todd saying “Daddy said he didn’t get the money and we are not going to the seaside”.
"where's 'arry?" asked an unrelated person immitating Frank Bruno.
Mascot Grand National
Bradford City will again be in the running when 70 mascots take part in the annual Mascot Grand National on Sunday.However, it's not Billy Bantam who is in the event - but the club's City Gent character Lenny Berry who has also run in previous years.You might expect Lenny to be among the favourites considering his rivals are burdened by giant furry suits - but he's never previously made much of an impact over the one-furlong obstacle course.
But that should not stop you from having a flutter on Bantams Bet! What better way to pass away a Sunday than pass away your cash on Bantams Bet! Come on, its betting with a Bantam … and like a chicken you usually get stuffed.
But that should not stop you from having a flutter on Bantams Bet! What better way to pass away a Sunday than pass away your cash on Bantams Bet! Come on, its betting with a Bantam … and like a chicken you usually get stuffed.
Friday, September 15, 2006
Howarth looking for a loan move to midfield
After his deal with York City was dropped by UEFA Russell Howarth is looking for a high cross catch move to center midfield.
“I’m desperate to play and I think a 3 month loan to center midfield would give me the playing experience I need” RH did not tell the BCO.
“Plus being there means I can do sod all for a game and not be noticed. It will be nice to wave to the fans again”
RH has a new book “How to wave to fans during a game and charge 5 quid for an autograph” coming off his home printer whenever he can stop dropping the diskette to set up the print driver.
“I’m desperate to play and I think a 3 month loan to center midfield would give me the playing experience I need” RH did not tell the BCO.
“Plus being there means I can do sod all for a game and not be noticed. It will be nice to wave to the fans again”
RH has a new book “How to wave to fans during a game and charge 5 quid for an autograph” coming off his home printer whenever he can stop dropping the diskette to set up the print driver.
Sign of the Beast?
Colin Todd did not thank the players for throwing the last 4 games so he could have a 37-37-37 record.
“My grandson was studying prime numbers and I said ‘wouldn’t it be fun if my team could make lots of prime number for you!’ and he was all excited.”
Yup, after 111 games in charge (allegedly) City manager CT has a 37-37-37 record.
CT’s request to the Football League that all remaining City games be cancelled so he can maintain his prime number stats (and have more time with his grandson) have been rejected by the FL.
“My grandson was studying prime numbers and I said ‘wouldn’t it be fun if my team could make lots of prime number for you!’ and he was all excited.”
Yup, after 111 games in charge (allegedly) City manager CT has a 37-37-37 record.
CT’s request to the Football League that all remaining City games be cancelled so he can maintain his prime number stats (and have more time with his grandson) have been rejected by the FL.
Tuesday, September 12, 2006
Old Timers Almost Happy With Bad Form
Old stick in the muds have had a good run in the past few seasons. A rapid fall from the Premier league brought most of them out of the cryogenics lab and, before most of them had warmed up, City found themselves in League One. After initially moaning about the silly change of division naming, the Old Sods quickly got back into the traditional glorification of division 4 days.
“Football was simple then” said a life long fan. “City played 46 games and then applied for re-election. Those were the days. I have a full collection of re-election letters just like my collection of first day postage stamps. However I did miss re-election bid #17 in 1936 when the dog ate my homework.”
“School? Homework? Luxury!” Shouted WT from across the hall in an obvious flashback to the good old days of comedy, nothing to do with soccer and an obvious distraction from the point of this made up article.
“and we could walk from one end of the ground to the other for the second half. None of this pansy sitting down stuff.
“I’d like them to throw in the towel a bit earlier on Saturday. A nice 0-3 loss to Port Vale would make my day. “
“Bottom 4 by Christmas”.
General mumblings continued about how bad everything is in the world, that you can’t get proper tea anymore and City are still far too high in the table.
“Football was simple then” said a life long fan. “City played 46 games and then applied for re-election. Those were the days. I have a full collection of re-election letters just like my collection of first day postage stamps. However I did miss re-election bid #17 in 1936 when the dog ate my homework.”
“School? Homework? Luxury!” Shouted WT from across the hall in an obvious flashback to the good old days of comedy, nothing to do with soccer and an obvious distraction from the point of this made up article.
“and we could walk from one end of the ground to the other for the second half. None of this pansy sitting down stuff.
“I’d like them to throw in the towel a bit earlier on Saturday. A nice 0-3 loss to Port Vale would make my day. “
“Bottom 4 by Christmas”.
General mumblings continued about how bad everything is in the world, that you can’t get proper tea anymore and City are still far too high in the table.
Tuesday, September 05, 2006
Deano – Wind As a whole did and did not play a part in defeat.
His Excellency, the Bees Knees, DW was not interviewed by the BCO after the sting in the tail defeat.
“We went into the game hoping not to go to a penalty shoot out. We were on good form but enough about playing pool in the pub on the corner of the Brentford ground. We knew Brentford had a young side – well, anybody is young compared to me – and especially their new signing who blew in from the non-league outfit ‘Northeasterly’.
“I knew the new Bees lad would be hard to handle considering he is just a bunch of air molecules. He was obviously a bit nervous in the first half as he was going all over the place and that helped us go up a goal. But in the 2nd half it was a different story. He sucked it up, blew away our defence, stormed all over the place and helped the Bees to two goals and send our backroom lads off happy they could put even more puns onto the City website”.
“Yeah, our points were Gone with the Wind”.
“When the second goal went in we all Groaned With The Wind”
“People think we listen to CT at half time but we don’t – he is just too long winded”
“Although at times he thinks he has the air of a man of strong convections”
CT was heard mumbling that he thought it only ever rained at Brentford.
“We went into the game hoping not to go to a penalty shoot out. We were on good form but enough about playing pool in the pub on the corner of the Brentford ground. We knew Brentford had a young side – well, anybody is young compared to me – and especially their new signing who blew in from the non-league outfit ‘Northeasterly’.
“I knew the new Bees lad would be hard to handle considering he is just a bunch of air molecules. He was obviously a bit nervous in the first half as he was going all over the place and that helped us go up a goal. But in the 2nd half it was a different story. He sucked it up, blew away our defence, stormed all over the place and helped the Bees to two goals and send our backroom lads off happy they could put even more puns onto the City website”.
“Yeah, our points were Gone with the Wind”.
“When the second goal went in we all Groaned With The Wind”
“People think we listen to CT at half time but we don’t – he is just too long winded”
“Although at times he thinks he has the air of a man of strong convections”
CT was heard mumbling that he thought it only ever rained at Brentford.
Saturday, September 02, 2006
Todd Reporting Brentford to FA
CT is so angry with Brentford he is (not) reporting them to the FA. CT did not say:
“Every team north of the equator knows City cannot hold a lead for more than 50 minutes, heck we hardly play well for more than 20 minutes a game. Brentford did not try hard enough in the first half and we easily scored a goal. We did our best not to score again and let Brentford back in but they did nothing until the last quarter of the game. It is disrespectful to your visitors when you don’t play to the script. We like to be 1-0 down with 15 minutes to go so we can wake up and actually play football for a few minutes and win a game.”
CT will also be reporting the weather to the FA.
“We practiced all week in near perfect conditions then we get here and the wind is all over the place. My scrap of paper with my team tactics and plans for substitutions blew away and that greatly affected the way the game turned out. I think the FA should help us out here”.
A fan later returned the blank scrap of paper to the City dug out.
“Every team north of the equator knows City cannot hold a lead for more than 50 minutes, heck we hardly play well for more than 20 minutes a game. Brentford did not try hard enough in the first half and we easily scored a goal. We did our best not to score again and let Brentford back in but they did nothing until the last quarter of the game. It is disrespectful to your visitors when you don’t play to the script. We like to be 1-0 down with 15 minutes to go so we can wake up and actually play football for a few minutes and win a game.”
CT will also be reporting the weather to the FA.
“We practiced all week in near perfect conditions then we get here and the wind is all over the place. My scrap of paper with my team tactics and plans for substitutions blew away and that greatly affected the way the game turned out. I think the FA should help us out here”.
A fan later returned the blank scrap of paper to the City dug out.
Thursday, August 31, 2006
Kamara awards himself ECCPotM award for August
Ex-city boss Chris Kamara did not award himself the “Ex-City Commentator/Pundit of the month” award for August by a unanimous vote of 1-0. Not speaking to the BCO he explained himself.
“I’ve had a good start to the season, being present at all the games I’ve been a pundit on and my superior knowledge of football gave me a clear edge when it came time to vote.”
Kamara was up against stiff Ex-City opposition. Peter “Somersault” Beagrie and Steve “One More Game” Claridge have been in good form filling in time for Sky.
Sky Sports do not wish to hear from any more ex-City players.
“I’ve had a good start to the season, being present at all the games I’ve been a pundit on and my superior knowledge of football gave me a clear edge when it came time to vote.”
Kamara was up against stiff Ex-City opposition. Peter “Somersault” Beagrie and Steve “One More Game” Claridge have been in good form filling in time for Sky.
Sky Sports do not wish to hear from any more ex-City players.
Tuesday, August 22, 2006
City Fans Celebrate League Cup Win
City fans celebrate winning the League Cup after Hudders failed to beat Mansfield.
“Town lost and didn’t even score a goal. We scored and even got to penalties after extra time. That shows we’re class.” Said a City fan
“Towns pies are crap” shouted another fan.
“We played away from home” added the first fan.
A bit of time went by, but that was all the victorious reasoning for tonight. City will not play anybody in the second round and be looking to defend their perfect 0-0-0 record.
“Town lost and didn’t even score a goal. We scored and even got to penalties after extra time. That shows we’re class.” Said a City fan
“Towns pies are crap” shouted another fan.
“We played away from home” added the first fan.
A bit of time went by, but that was all the victorious reasoning for tonight. City will not play anybody in the second round and be looking to defend their perfect 0-0-0 record.
Saturday, August 19, 2006
Referee Storms Off At Crewe
Speculation as to why the referee stormed off at Crewe is rife. Some say it could be the ref wanted more time in order to confront Windass in the car park. Conspiracy theorists say it could be FIFA’s backdoor way to get two referees to officiate a match at the same time. Some fans point to an unknown rule that if City score 7 unanswered goals in consecutive games the referee should retire immediately in disgust.
League officials are planning to waste time and money to launch an inquiry as to whether the Refs had a flutter on BANTAMS BET beforehand as an international phone call was found in the call log of the refs mobile phone.
Giovanni Cobilli Gigli was unavailable for comment and emails and phone calls have not been returned.
League officials are planning to waste time and money to launch an inquiry as to whether the Refs had a flutter on BANTAMS BET beforehand as an international phone call was found in the call log of the refs mobile phone.
Giovanni Cobilli Gigli was unavailable for comment and emails and phone calls have not been returned.
Todd Reveals Early Season Success
CT has not revealed the secrets of his early season success to the BCO
“ I have a coin which I make team selections. I select a position and then say a players name and flick the coin. If its heads the player goes in that position, if it is tails he goes into the reserves.”
Some stattos out there must be wishing they had a few quid to donate to BANTAMS BET as Todd’s coin must have stuck or something, but Todd carries on to explain this fluke of statistical improbability.
“I lost the coin so I just stayed with the same team line up. I think my grandson took it and spent it on an ice cream. It was special to me as it was one with an engraving of the Queens head on it. It was very dear to me and I don’t know if I’ll ever see another one in my life time”.
The BCO is shipping a 10p coin to CT
“ I have a coin which I make team selections. I select a position and then say a players name and flick the coin. If its heads the player goes in that position, if it is tails he goes into the reserves.”
Some stattos out there must be wishing they had a few quid to donate to BANTAMS BET as Todd’s coin must have stuck or something, but Todd carries on to explain this fluke of statistical improbability.
“I lost the coin so I just stayed with the same team line up. I think my grandson took it and spent it on an ice cream. It was special to me as it was one with an engraving of the Queens head on it. It was very dear to me and I don’t know if I’ll ever see another one in my life time”.
The BCO is shipping a 10p coin to CT
Tuesday, August 15, 2006
“Feel Good” factor back again.
After many a club has visited VP and felt the benefits of the Feel Good factor themselves City reminded themselves of what it is. So for all you that have also forgotten here is the definition.
1) You are behind in the game by 2 goals by the 13th minute.
2) The crowd boos a young 18 year old player playing his third game for the club
3) The crowd boos a player just back from long term injury.
4) The team is comprised of loan signings eagerly being eyed by the scouts in the crowd.
5) The half time pie and pint is missed because the lad in the kiosk is too busy booing the players.
6) The team stays behind until drawing level in the 60th minute
7) The team goes ahead in the 83rd minute
Therefore feeling good for 7 or so minutes in a game is good. If you watched the Bristol City game you have it really good.
1) You are behind in the game by 2 goals by the 13th minute.
2) The crowd boos a young 18 year old player playing his third game for the club
3) The crowd boos a player just back from long term injury.
4) The team is comprised of loan signings eagerly being eyed by the scouts in the crowd.
5) The half time pie and pint is missed because the lad in the kiosk is too busy booing the players.
6) The team stays behind until drawing level in the 60th minute
7) The team goes ahead in the 83rd minute
Therefore feeling good for 7 or so minutes in a game is good. If you watched the Bristol City game you have it really good.
Thursday, July 27, 2006
Job Vacancies at City
City have not announced many of the these new vacancies.
Matchday steward (very experienced in annoying fans)
Matchday steward (somewhat experienced in annoying fans)
Matchday steward (experienced in picking on people minding their own business)
Matchday steward - various positions (no experience required)
Caterer (experience essential)
Left back (no experience required)
Left midfield (no experience required)
Center midfield (no experience required)
Right midfield (no experience required)
Attack (various positions available) As long as you recognize a football, you’re in.
Mystery Investor (bank balance not checked until it is too late)
Matchday steward (very experienced in annoying fans)
Matchday steward (somewhat experienced in annoying fans)
Matchday steward (experienced in picking on people minding their own business)
Matchday steward - various positions (no experience required)
Caterer (experience essential)
Left back (no experience required)
Left midfield (no experience required)
Center midfield (no experience required)
Right midfield (no experience required)
Attack (various positions available) As long as you recognize a football, you’re in.
Mystery Investor (bank balance not checked until it is too late)
Etherington Leaves City
Rumours that Peter Etherington have left the Club because his cheque bounced have been refuted by the Club.
An imaginative Club spokesman said
“We had a special event with BantamsBet. The bet was that if City’s first eleven beat Peter, he would double his investment. Unfortunately, Peter beat City 4-1”
The spokesman continued“However, there is a silver lining as the odds on BantamsBet were so good maybe somebody at City made some money that day”
An imaginative Club spokesman said
“We had a special event with BantamsBet. The bet was that if City’s first eleven beat Peter, he would double his investment. Unfortunately, Peter beat City 4-1”
The spokesman continued“However, there is a silver lining as the odds on BantamsBet were so good maybe somebody at City made some money that day”
Monday, July 24, 2006
City Eye Next Transfer Target
City are reportedly ready to sign Boston United’s head steward. As revealed on the Boy From Brazil this steward seems capable of taking City’s stewards to a new level. He may also be able to play at left back. One of City’s top steward recruiters, posing as a supporter, tested the steward with a range of provoking items. Full story on the BFB (http://www.boyfrombrazil.co.uk/news.asp?date=20060722)
A Great City Win at Boston!
A great 44 minutes at Boston United saw City set out their stall for the upcoming season. City’s dominance was only rewarded by one lunging tackle by DW and City must have thought they would have more potential season ending tackles to show for their hard work. SS put the ball into that funny oblong thing with a net on it and confusion amassed when the remaining 2 Boston players blatantly handled the ball and moved up to the center circle with no action from the referee.
Why most of the Boston players went home at half time is unknown and City claim the match ended in the 89th minute.
With this great performance back City to get promotion on BantamsBet! You’re a sure winner!! You have to be! We are almost giving it away with odds like ours on a sure team like City to get promotion so BET BET BET!
Why most of the Boston players went home at half time is unknown and City claim the match ended in the 89th minute.
With this great performance back City to get promotion on BantamsBet! You’re a sure winner!! You have to be! We are almost giving it away with odds like ours on a sure team like City to get promotion so BET BET BET!
Saturday, July 22, 2006
Matt Clarke “Itching to go”
Matt Clarke is waiting for the green light to begin his Bradford City career for real.
The big central defender is hoping that a scan on Monday will clear him to finally start his departure from Bradford City.
“I can’t wait to start playing so the gaffer can play me out of position, leave me on the bench, drop me to the junior team and send me out on loan back to Darlington. I have heard rumours that Premier newcomers Southend will be interested in taking me on trial in a couple of years.”
The big central defender is hoping that a scan on Monday will clear him to finally start his departure from Bradford City.
“I can’t wait to start playing so the gaffer can play me out of position, leave me on the bench, drop me to the junior team and send me out on loan back to Darlington. I have heard rumours that Premier newcomers Southend will be interested in taking me on trial in a couple of years.”
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